It was January of 2012, when I sat with a wonderful and inspiring group of entrepreneurs in a mastermind meeting, all of us eagerly helping each other with the launch of our businesses.
I’d wanted to run my own business for years and was deeply frustrated that I was still only doing the work I truly loved on the side of my corporate career. As much as I ached to bring my business to life, I had a familiar frustration and anxiety bubbling inside me.
I was worn out from trying to formulate my ideas, continually going round in circles. I was stuck. Again.
The rest of my life was on hold… I was approaching my 40th year still single and living once more at my mum’s to focus on my business, side-lining my passion for adventure and travel and other things I loved, branding fun as frivolous and instead immersing myself in a multitude of personal development and business courses.
It was a painful place to be, although I hadn’t fully acknowledged it.
Managing to hold out on my turn in the Mastermind hot seat until the end of our session, I finally took my place. Five pairs of eyes lovingly held me and my best interests at heart as we began to explore my business. I felt sick.
Being honest with myself
Then someone asked, “what do you want?” I paused, and as tears welled in my eyes I shared that I just wanted to STOP. ‘Then you need to give yourself permission to stop’ my fellow-masterminder kindly said.
Relief came. Tension drained from my body and a wonderful calm swept through me. I felt clear. That blissful feeling lasted a couple of hours, until I was driving into the countryside to see a friend.
As I followed the winding road a dark energy crept up inside me and I was engulfed by a deep sadness.
My energy had been so invested in making my business happen and my identity entrenched in being of service through my business, and being successful, that without this, who was I?
Where did I belong in the World? Did I belong? How was I valuable?
At the expense of everything else in my life, it was all I’d been focusing on. I’d convinced myself that everything else was less important.
I believed I was working to fulfil my purpose. But why had I lost my passion for life? Even for my work itself. I was empty and tired.
The critical voice inside my head let rip with an onslaught of harsh words about how useless I was and that I was nothing. They echoed the beliefs that drove my striving, but never quite arriving. I felt ashamed and a failure.
It was painful at first until I stopped reacting and, with detachment, observed the critical tyranny. Fully expressed, the voice went quiet, the pain slipped away and again I felt calm. The tyrant had lost its power.
The gap was created for me to make a conscious choice. I decided to fully commit to mastering how to follow my heart, intuitively.
I wanted to feel alive and free. I wanted to live a life that felt in tune with me. And I wanted to create it effortlessly.
When we stop we can see how we separate ourselves from love – by searching for it outside of ourselves in the acknowledgement of our achievements, hard work, being the best, being good, pleasing others.
Stopping gives us the space to hear our inner critic and to understand the motive driving our behaviour that takes us away from ourselves, our dreams and what’s true for us. It opens a space for healing and understanding ourselves so we can make new choices. And it allows us to hear our hearts and receive our wisdom.
Permitting yourself to stop
That ‘stopping’ is valuable. And once you’ve sat in the gap, you’ll likely become aware of more things you’d love to stop so that you can live true to yourself.
If you’re a high achiever, or people-pleaser – or both – you might be tempted to use the following invitation to be hard on yourself. I encourage you instead to view it with curiosity and tenderness. See it as possible points along the road towards greater authenticity, freedom and fulfilment.
Consider how life would be if you were to give yourself permission to…
Stop ‘doing’ to keep busy so you don’t have to feel the emptiness and dissatisfaction within. See that emptiness as a message to respond to the call of your soul and gently follow your path.
Stop resisting where you are. When you resist discomfort and suffering persist. Accept, acknowledge, allow without judgement, before shifting your attention on to what you want instead.
Stop pretending what you do or what you have is who you are. Know that you are loveable and needed in this World because you are you.
Stop doing things that destroy your spirit. Get in touch with what lights you up, from simple daily pleasures to your biggest, wildest adventures and make these part of your life.
Stop saying yes when you want to say no. Check-in with yourself about whether something is true for you and say no ‘with love’ if it isn’t. Saying yes when you would love to say no harbours resentment and robs you of vital energy.
Stop perpetually giving or pleasing others so you feel loved, accepted or validated. Give from your heart because it true for you and it’s what you would love to do.
Stop ignoring your own needs. Take responsibility for yourself. Nurture yourself, listen and respond to the needs of your body, mind and soul – it’s essential if you wish to fulfil your dreams and be of service in the World.
Stop forcing, struggling, controlling. Let life flow as you follow what makes your heart sing. Still your mind to quell your your inner critic and receive your inner wisdom. Be guided into effortless action. Even when times are tough.
Stop comparing yourself with others. Take the time to go within and connect with what matters most to you and what your heart truly desires. It’s amazing how many people find that what they thought they wanted wasn’t what they truly wanted. Be true to your path.
Stop focusing all your energy on one area of your life. Allow your full expression and the blossoming of every area of your life simultaneously. Each will support the other and all are connected.
Stop berating yourself for not being good enough or not yet having what you thought you should have. You are the source of the love you seek and no amount of stuff or achievements will ever fulfil you.
Stop judging and making others wrong. We are all connected, each of us intertwined in this matrix of life. We are reflections of each other. Own what’s going on for you, see any illusion playing out, and stay committed to your heart and your fulfilment.
Stop seeing yourself as unlovable. Choose to see and accept the whole of who you are. Liberation comes from FULL self-acceptance.
Stop trying to be someone or something you’re not. You are unique, you have unique gifts to share, treasures to discover and desires that are true only for you. Take the time to discover and connect with YOU.
Stop taking you and your life so seriously. Invite some levity. Take the pressure off and have a little more fun! It’ll raise your vibration and help you to access your creativity and highest wisdom.
One step at a time
I admit, that’s a lot of ‘stopping’!
It takes time to embed changes in our psyche and our lives, so take it one step at a time. If any of the above suggestions jumped out at you, start there. Allow the new habit to bed in before you attempt the next change.
What would you love your life to look like?
From the ‘gap’, you also want to get clear on what matters to you and the true vision for your life. It’ll liberate renewed energy and pull you towards the new possibilities for your life nestled on the horizon.
If you’d like a guide and cheerleader to support you on your path of clarity and change, I invite you to book a call to explore the new possibilities for your life.
In the meantime, my recommendation is to:
Cultivate stillness, so you can observe your inner dialogue and become aware of your actions and their underlying motivation.
Listen to your quieter, wiser voice, ever-present beyond the mind-chatter and follow her guidance.
Allow your magnificence and authentic expression to reveal itself to you.
Be brave and choose you.
My truth
2012 was the year I came home to my heart. The year I learned to use my intuition and imagination to effortlessly bring my heart’s desires to life and to make my whole life an expression of me.
It wasn’t that my business wasn’t true for me. But I’d been trying to figure it out in my head, forcing it to life, which disconnected me from my inspiration. And I’d cut myself off from everything else that made me feel alive.
Through my journey of self-discovery I re-ignited my life-force by re-aligning with my truth, which included a big dose of self-love and following my joy in all areas of my life.
I re-defined my purpose as ‘to express myself fully’, one I believe to be true for everyone.
My business is only part of that expression. And by unlocking my creativity and receiving my wisdom it is now emerging into an authentic and wonderful expression of me.
Permitting yourself to stop is a gift – it’s your gateway to freedom and fulfilment. The freedom to be you and make your life a full expression of you. Give yourself the gift.
